They say miracles don't happen ... and even now, sitting in this tiny room, staring at a flickering
monitor I don't really understand what happened ...
It is the 21st century ... and stories about witches, black sheet and a bloody red hand are good only
for wrapped in a sheet teenagers in the camps, who stand motionless with horror and tell these very stories. At
those early days I was afraid of these stories as well, but just like everyone savoured the details of the
sinister fictions about flying coffin and an empty tram which carried away small children forever to nowhere ...
brrr ...
Now being a woman with two higher educations it is ridiculous for me to think of it ... but one strange story
happened to me a year ago!
This story took place in late autumn. It was the usual gray, dismal day - so dismal that the line between
it and no less grim evening was almost imperceptible. I regained consciousness - I didn't have any cigarettes,
and there was still a long night of work. Work ... work ... I had no friends - just a couple of colleges from
work pretending to be my friends, I had no family. There was no husband, no children, no home comfort, warmth ...
there was nothing that usually made people in such evenings wrap in blankets, drink tea and not worry about
anything. I had nothing or anyone. I probably was too ambitious and confident. Prestigious positions, career -
everything moved away into the background. At first, there was no time to think about something other than work,
then it probably just became a habit. In a word, as usual, I planned to do another report for the company
tonight... I always took my work home not to feel infinitely lonely. But there were not cigarettes at all ... I
got up from the table, pulled my not for this weather thin and chilly coat and went outside ...
A dank wind, drizzling rain, tight, tough and typical for this season fog came down. No matter how
uncomfortable the house was - in such weather there was only dreadful wish to get back to the monitor and turn off
my brain tired of being alone. My cell-phone squeaked in the pocket: "Hmm ... sms from Oliver ... What else?
Damn ... forgot ... It's his birthday today! How could he be born on Halloween? - I know for sure, that's why he's
so crazy!"... An infinite distance left to the shop still! Oh, Lord .. when finally was I going to stop smoking!
How cold! The fog thickened, I saw only a yellow spot of showcase of the very small shop, which was due to the
dank cold seemed so unattainable far! Deep in thought about the cold, Oliver, work I forced my way through the
cold, fog and flow of my own thoughts, and did not notice the dark silhouette emerged from somewhere! And of
course, pounced on him with all my might. Murmuring traditional "sorry" I headed down a few steps forward when
suddenly the silhouette swung out his hand said ... "Lana!" I flinched and turned around and dressed falsely
welcoming smile for another friend whom I did not like to face on the street. Silhouette did not seem familiar.
"Pardon?" And strange, hollow voice said: "Lana ... hello," "Hello ..." - I replied - "Excuse me, I probably did
not recognize you - stupid fog, you know, dark as in the stomach of a negro!" I took a few steps toward a
silhouette, but he remained dark. Another step further and I realized that the vague outlines were not due to fog.
I really did not see who it was ... and ... either I was crazy ... or ....
I woke up in the room where the fireplace was blazing. The windows were curtained and the room was not
familiar at all, it was pretentious, strange ... Velvet, candles, chandeliers, paintings in gilded frames, purple
rug, the heavy smell of wax hit in the nose. I lay on the couch with a severe hangover head and understood
nothing. Getting up, I looked back - there was a huge bronze mirror in front of me. I went to it and it affected
almost anorexic skinny girl with sunken eyes .. pale, weak, useless, behind which a dark silhouette stood.
Startled, I turned around - the room was empty. I turned again to the mirror and began to stare intently at it
trying to find a silhouette behind me again. And suddenly pictures swam in front of me - green lawn, a large white
and very elegant mansion. A pair of small children ran laughing out of the house, a well-fed setter trudged behind
them, there were plenty of flowers and even the smell! Yeah! I could smell - not wax as before, not a heavy
perfume the dying cinders of candles but the smell of childhood, unbridled joy and happiness! I looked at the
jumping children and could not stop watching! I watched every their movement and peered into the house - where was
their mother? ... How I wished there, for a moment, I wanted to go to them so much! The picture changed
dramatically- in the mirror reflection appeared that same purple wax room ... and voice..Voice asked me: "D'you
want to go there? D'you want such a life? D'you want that sense of happiness that never leave you? "
Well, of course I DO! Of course, I wish be happy, when somebody loves me that I am in need to anybody, to
any creature on this planet! I wish a holiday come to my life! "I'll give you all this!" - the Voice said -
"You'll get a house with a lawn, children and even the same dog! And the most important is that you'll get a sense
of eternal happiness ... which nobody will never take. But there is the only condition - you must give me the
dearest and valuable that you have "... " And what should I give you? "- I asked in a trembling voice. "Give me
your memory!" ... "Memory?" - I repeated like an echo. "Yes, yes! memory! I will erase all your memories ... Do
you think you have to remember something that can replace a picture of such your future? "
My eyes filled with tears. How I wished to go into this looking-glass happiness! But ... the memories
flowed into my head like the river... That's Mom cheerfully laughs when I squirm faces ... That's my father comes
home from work and I happily throw myself on his neck - oh, my God, when did I call you last, my dear? Here's my
prom, photo shoot with elegant classmates - how damn attractive, young and different we are... where are you all?
That's my neighbor - a cute little 6 years old Jewish girl, which tossing her curly head touched me stupid
questions ... my god, I even thought about her ... my first love - I remember every breath on the bench! Memories
flowed and flowed, and the picture in the mirror beckoned me with its colors and smells ... Tears were streaming
down my face ... I knew what I wanted! Finally, I realized .... I just wanted to be happy! With my past, my
present, with my OWN, but not the looking-glass future! I grabbed the chandelier and hit it hard in the mirror!
Thousands of small, similar to the snake, cracks ran through bronzed surface, distorting the picture on it ....
... Flash, Glare ... Crack and thousands of sparks ... Everything went out!
I woke up in my little room ... with a clear sense of what I want ... and how do I live here! I knew how
to get out of the cage which I set up myself... I knew I did not want to be happy - I AM HAPPY!
A dream or hallucination of a chronic fatigue ... but I realized that on that very day, exactly one year
ago, Fate winked at me mischievously with pumpkin orange eye and said: "Trick or Treat!"
